"Do it with love and make that person feel assured that you love them. "You should be very clear that it’s not because you don’t love the person, but that you need this space to work on yourself," Simone says. Telling your partner you want a breakĭon't just go in there all Ross and Rachel style and have a screaming row. To get through it, they have to untangle all the negative patterns and understand where they’re coming from." And a break - done right - should do just that. "If the couple doesn’t get that, they start arguing again because they haven’t had time to heal. "Usually, getting that space gives them time to reflect separately helps," she explains. "You might even lose self-esteem too and aren't sure of who you are because you’ve taken on so much of the other person." How taking a break can helpĪs long as both partners are clear on the logistics of how the break is going to go down, Simone says she believes it's a healthy way to deal with these issues. They lose their balance in life, and it's about rebalancing," she adds. "Sometimes people become very enmeshed in a relationship and lose their sense of self and judgement. They love their partner but their patterns are so negative they don’t know what else to do expect have a break." This, Simone says, would be a situation in which a break could be helpful.Īnd if you're noticing you're focusing on your partner and not seeing your friends as much, or giving less time to your own interests, a break may be the answer. "They actually do want to save their relationship but feel so lost by it. "Some of the clients I see are genuinely stuck at an impasse, and their arguments are so complicated and emotional that they’re really entrenched in it," Simone tells me. So when should you take a break from your relationship? How can you make sure it is actually useful rather than destructive? And what rules should you have in place? I spoke to Simone Bose, a relationship therapist and counsellor at Relate.ĭo relationship breaks actually work? Samere Fahim Photography // Getty Images When to take a break Despite this rather negative portrayal of break taking, it turns out having a temporary separation from a relationship that's become all about arguing and being dicks to each other could be a really good idea. Which led to a whole load of bullshit and issues we were forced to watch them unpick for seven long seasons. Now, this probably would have been fine if they'd set clear boundaries and rules as to what their "break" entailed. Why? Well Ross and Rachel decided to take an undefined break from their relationship and Ross immediately boned someone else. This guy thinks it's a euphemism for "I've fallen out of love with you.As much as I am loathed to reference the already wildly over-referenced "WE WERE ON A BREAK" Friends episode, it's a damn good example of when taking a break in a relationship didn't really work out. Well, if you thought going on a break with your partner genuinely meant that they wanted a short break to recharge and come back to your relationship rejuvenated and ready to love, think again.Ī group of guys took to Reddit to reveal exactly what it means when they say they want to "go on a break" with someone, and they were definitely. See? Definitely not normal.Ĭlowns and Cheetos aside, because nothing makes sense, it can be hard to tell what someone's actually trying to tell you when they say they want to "take a break."ĭo they genuinely just want to take a break? For how long? Do they secretly want to see other people? Do they just want to be single? WHY DO YOU NEED A BREAK FROM ME? I'M PERFECT? Just last year, people dressed as clowns and ran around terrorizing other people for literally no goddamn reason. In a totally normal world that made sense, you'd think when people said they wanted to "go on a break" with the person they were dating, they'd mean just that: spending some time apart to recharge and reevaluate the relationship.īut I'm not sure if you know this: We absolutely do not live in a normal world that makes sense.
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